5 Ancient Anger Management Techniques

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By Jim Leahey, Online Submitter 6/22/2017
This article generates $1 Dollar for Cigars For Warriors
Sponsor: The Editorial Staff, AlphaCigar, Frontline Obstacle Course Races, and Jas Sum Kral. 

Let’s just say that I’m not a doctor but I’ve been struggling recently with anger management issues. Like flipping out at loved ones for no reason at all. I realized its a problem, and I’d like to share some of the techniques I’ve been using to help myself deal with the anger.

I am by no means a health professional, doctor, nutritionist, tai-chi whatever, or grand master yogic, so take my advice with a grain of salt. I’m just an average joe that gets really frustrated sometimes. But I’ve discovered 5 anger management techniques that are guaranteed to help you chill out. It happens to the best of us, and loosing your cool can damage your relationships with your loved ones and your health, so listen up, fools.

  1. Sit down. Immediately. Once your anger flash starts to surge, you must immediately assume a seated position. It’s a lot harder to take a seated angry person seriously, but also, it’s a lot harder to feel angry when you’re seated, because you feel ridiculous.
     
  2. Place two hands firmly either on what I assume is the desk in front of you or on your two thighs. (Extra bonus step, be grateful you have two arms and two thighs, people in this country lost those limbs for your right to be a whingey blog advice seeker)
  3. Once you are calmer, slowly, but assuredly confront the person that is irritating you and tell them why you are disappointed in a courteous manner. Listen to their response, ignore any attitude they give you, and simply say, “I respect your opinion, and will consider it. Let’s move on”. Ahhh yes. The old, “Let’s move on”. It’s not perfect, but it’s worked. Since ancient times. #fact
  4. In a calm manner, slowly but assuredly locate your nearest source of ice cold beer, and then head for a spot where you can enjoy nature. It even says so in the bible –nature truly is God’s gift to us — what wonders, peace, and joy it brings us. This could include a window with view of trees, or a back porch with a lawn. Better yet, sit in a forest with your beer.
  5. Now slowly produce one of the finest stogies ever from your pocket which you bought from a local shop. Hand rolled in the Dominican Republic, this stick is made from Cuban seeds that grew up in exile, then rolled by expert hands then sent to explicitly to calm you down and relax for an hour. Light it up with some matches or whatever you have at hand. Puff. Take another puff. Puff, puff, puff. Ponder. Why are you so angry? Is it worth it, being angry? What are you grateful for? I bet you’re grateful for that stick.

Those are the five steps to anger management. I know it seems primitive and unenlightened, but that is just how I feel. I hope someone at least takes my advice about sitting down and placing your two hands firmly onto something. I am also serious about the idea of stogies helping you relax.

I’d like to thank the sponsors for donating to my favorite charity for submitting this article. Thank you.

Please consider trying one of these babies (Brand: Jas Sum Kral) and click image for more info:

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